Turtleneck Pink Dress & A New Me Slowly Emerging

Turtleneck Pink Dress & A New Me Slowly Emerging

Metaphorically and literally. The brightly shining sun got into my eyes almost
blinding my entire sight. The warm wind was brushing against my cheeks and
there I was mulling over the questions that were briskly entering my head. I
needed answers. I needed a direction. New. More vibrant. Colourful. And
certainly exciting. For a second I felt somewhat trapped; imprisoned within my
own skin completely unable to fill my lungs with the oxygen my body desperately needed. And while sitting in the window seat observing the occurrences outside from way above (yes, my flat is on the 18th
floor), ironically, I felt more grounded than ever before.

And then I felt the warmth of a furry body cuddled just right next me. I completely forgot that Sparky was staying over at mine. Before I began travelling a lot around the country and abroad I?d given him to my parents, knowing that they would be able to take care of him better with me constantly ?on the road?. Suddenly, I recalled when I got this petite Yorkshire Terrier ? It was a few years ago and I was feeling lonelier than ever. Getting a dog was what I thought would bring the ?spark? back to my life (hence his name). But back then, I was still too young and unexperienced to grasp that happiness never comes from outside. Rather it comes from within. Sparky quickly became an important part of the family and he did make my flat seem more homely and cosier than ever.

But did he make me happier? Less lonely? More content with my life? No!

Was he a great buddy to stay with when I was by myself in my flat? Yes!

And then the suffocating feeling was gone. Just like that. Vanished.
What was I doing? I ran to my closet and picked a brightest turtleneck dress in pink; I put on my Miu Miu shades to hide my puffy watery eyes and grabbed my bag to quickly take Sparky for a walk.

How could I possibly expect to be happy and content with my life when my mind was filled with sadness and uncertainty? How could I expect that my friends
and boyfriend would be able to make me smile? How could I think that going on a
wild shopping spree could make things better? How could I dare think that my
happiness was something I was entitled to ?receive? from outside?

Frankly, I’ve done my best to get to the point of being overwhelmed
with feelings of gloominess and dejection.

My indecisiveness is the reason why I?ve postponed moving
back to London to complete my master?s degree. 

My overly critical behaviour towards the people I love most
has caused my boyfriend and I to be currently going through a rough patch. 

My sharp tongue is the reason why my closest ones always
walk on eggshells around me. 

My inability to say ?No? is the reason why I often feel
emotionally drained before the end of each and every single day.

Do I know why I behave the way I do? Of course I do! Does this
excuse me for being who I currently am? No!

Does this allow me to criticise others without giving a
second thought about how this actually makes them feel? No!

And while being on the lonely road to attaining the unattainable (perfection) I realised that it was time for me to cease asking those around me to always join me too. 

Being perfect is not a legitimate option. Being ?human? +
understanding + happy is.

My aunt and I went for lunch. When she saw me rocking my brightest attire she commented on my new ‘pinky’ + ‘girly’ look. She loved the vibrancy, the happiness, and positivity it emitted. Only if she knew that this was really the ‘outside’ sign of something grander that had started taking place way beneath my skin. 

I was ready to change. For the sake of those I love most. For the sake of myself.  

Sparky suddenly started barking completely unaware of the massive impact he’s had on one girl’s life. Or was he? 😉 

P.S. As the clothes I’m wearing are from independent boutiques I found alternatives.
P.A.R.O.S.H Pink Turtleneck Dress 
D&G Creamy Tote Bag
Ballin Pointed Toe Ballerinas 
Amazonia Beige Bangle 
Marc Jacobs Sunglasses

P.P.S. Recently a new challenge was announced on Letters to Antoinette #LTADARESU. All you have to do is comment below 1 / 2  or drop me an email with your details if you’re willing to join the other ‘darers’ in a whimsical adventure to a healthy living transformation. The most engaged ‘darer’ will win a pair of lovely Nike Air Max (the colour and size of their choice).

Are you ready to do that too?

A.