The Post You Don’t Want to Read if You Don’t Want to Find Out the Truth Behind Your Current Unhappiness
The Post You Don?t Want to Read if You Don?t Want to Find Out the Truth Behind Your Current Unhappiness
Today I woke up absolutely exhausted from the parties I attended this weekend and yet rather than staying half-asleep for the rest of the day I suddenly felt overly inspired to share with you my thoughts on a topic that’s been bugging me over the last couple of weeks.
Well, in my latest post I spoke about stress and anxiety, sharing with you my suggestions for how to stop feeling negative and emotionally overwhelmed. However, while listing all the tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years, I chose to skip talking about the first and foremost one. And you know happiness is not an ending point towards which you should be headed. Happiness is here. Happiness is now and the one single thing you should do is allow yourself to see it, feel it, and let yourself be seized by it. However, there is one big obstacle that’s standing in your way and obstructing you from really experiencing the joy of that very moment. Some pretty ‘full of himself’ and opinionated Mr., who keeps telling you what is right and what is wrong wrong.
Mr. Ego you know him, right?
Today while typing down this letter I feel emotionally lighter than even before, having finally come to the life changing realisation that every time I’ve gone through some sort of emotional roller-coaster, it’s been because of him. It seems that I’ve given Mr. Ego too much freedom to guide my actions and control my thoughts. But let’s start from answering the question: ‘What’s Ego?? Well, Ego sets the prism through which you see and understand life; it always feels lack at the present and anticipates potential abundance in the future. It keeps reminding you that you could have more and that you should strive for more; it tells you that the more success and material gains you have, the happier you’d eventually be. And while Ego’s always here, messing up with you at the present, it spends quite a lot of time staring at the past, trying to make sense of it and of all the situations that have downgraded it and made it suffer. It seeks ‘ultimate answers’ to trivial questions such as: ‘Why did she cheat on me? Was he better than ME?’, while of course striving to rectify itself by focusing on the future and wondering whether revenge would be enough: ‘Maybe you should get with someone she despises?’ he maliciously suggests. It’s a vicious circle of wants, goals, and ending points; a vicious circle of craving particular outcomes that would make it feel better about itself. It doesn’t care that each and every outcome and your very ability as a breathing human being to ‘experience it’ is the greatest reminder that you?’e here and that you are alive. Instead, it makes you incessantly draft new and more ambitious plans whose accomplishment will supposedly bring you closer to feeling truly happy. By asking you to constantly fuel it, EGO makes you a prisoner to its selfish needs and obstructs you from seeing the abundance of all that you already have today. Just pause for a moment and remember the moment when you finally got the promotion you?ve always craved for? You feel a sudden wave of adrenalin, you shout with excitement, and celebrate! Then you snuggle in bed and start mulling over the situation: ‘Okay now you’re a supervisor, so what about the next milestone? Becoming a team manager of course!’ And all the joy based on what you’ve earned with hard work and dedication evaporates to leave enough space for another goal to be set in its place – one that will supposedly make you even happier. But will it? Becoming a manager means more responsibilities = less time for your loved ones = less time to enjoy the things that your TRUE SELF actually loves.
Ego is your Head/Thoughts formed by your past experiences, achievements, identities, beliefs. It asks you to associate yourself with all of the above and tricks you into letting your true nature dissolve (which ultimately is detached from any of you EGOCENTRIC thoughts). And just like that life turns into a game you should fear failure and rejection and at all time you should strive to be a winner. And by doing that you miss chances! Chances to invite the girl you like on a date and just say to yourself ‘No matter what her response might be I’d give it a go. She might end up being the One after all’.
‘Fear seems to have many causes. Fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of being hurt, and so on, but ultimately all fear is the ego’s fear of death, of annihilation. To the ego, death is always just around the corner. In this mind-identified state, fear of death affects every aspect of your life.’ Eckhart Tolle
of a lot pleasure from them. No wonder why every time I’d enter a room full of people my attention would immediately go to the one who had blanked me. I?d approach them and do my best to engage in a conversation that would leave them with a positive impression of me. And if it all goes down as planned ? Mr. Ego will trick me into thinking that I’m great and that I should feel satisfied. That’s what Ego does to you. It needs constant validation and if not receiving one – it suffers and seeks other sources from which to derive ovation from. And do you know what happens when you choose to spend your night trying to impress someone? You miss out on being truly present and spent quality time with those who don’t need to be impressed and who are grateful for your very presence.
That I WAS BETTER. It was really all about reaching goals and meeting expectations rather than learning and growing. I guess the fact that she never said ?You are amazing? was what triggered my anxiety and depression back in the day. I was so used to being the ?best? at whatever I was doing that being less was not a legit option. Little did I know that by entering this game of proving myself I actually turned down any guidance and advice. My Ego would trick me into thinking that I already knew enough. If I was a bit more aware of what was truly taking place, I might have realised earlier that I rejected learning more because this job didn’t really give me any satisfaction. It was just a game I had to win and never promised to become more. The moment I decided to quit my job was the day I chose to be SOUL – the polar opposite of EGO. Of course, back then it wasn?t a mindful decision. If it were I?d never have shifted back to EGO again. However, the fact that I gave up trying to prove myself to my boss and resolved to start a blog and share my life experience with you was the first step to the realisation I’m slowly coming to now.
Well, there I was again: feeling gloomy and unhappy and just like that it suddenly stroke me: I was in need of a big change. I needed to alter the distorted way in which I saw ?LIFE? and ?SUCCESS? if I ever wanted to feel JOYFUL again.
When you?re negative and when you start complaining and judging others or yourself ? say ?SHHH? to your Ego, and its biased interpretation of reality. Ego is your shell, the one that tells you that you’re better than the others and that your opinion counts for more. And the thing is – by judging others, commenting on their appearances, or blaming them ? you isolate yourself rather than connect. And ultimately life is about that ? getting closer to people in order to have a sense of blissful completeness.
Over the last few weeks I?ve been teaching myself to be more aware of my surrounding and I?ve been trying to change the way in which I’d normally react in certain situations. I?ve been trying to put my EGO aside and let myself be guided by my TRUE SELF. And you know what? I?ve been incessantly smiling and rather than snapping back at people when my EGO was bruised, I?d stay calm and try to read situations that I?d have previously regarded in a negative way, neutrally. So next time someone cuts in front of you at the grocery store rather than get angry at them just tell yourself ?Okay, I have an extra minute ? shall I go back and grab the milk I completely forgot about?? Cast a positive light on the situations, which your ego considers wrong. Forget about the YOU and you will be surprised how much more simple everything might become.
I’m happy today. You know why? Coz I finally know why I’ve behaved in certain ways in the past; I finally get why it took me so long to get over my past relationships, and why I?ve done my best to make people like me.
But enough is enough really.
My Ego had me in its grip for far too long.
I?m not longer willing to be ?full of myself? nor do I feel the incentive to claim that anyone is. That?s a choice each and everyone should make.
It?s your choice whether you?ll keep on mind fooling yourself, trying to find answers to why things happened in the past, rather than learn from them, regard them as opportunities for improvement, and allow yourself to LET GO AND MOVE ON.
It?s your very choice whether you?ll do your best to seduce people just because your EGO seeks admiration rather than enjoy blissful moments with the ones who truly love you.
It?s your choice whether you?d be annoyed at people for doing things wrong (according to your EGO) or accept them for who they are and be at peace with them and with yourself.
It?s your choice whether you?d wake up and conceive of the dark clouds and pouring rain as depressing or whether you?d take a few minutes to appreciate the beauty of nature.