Sunrays and snowflakes
last week. It was a rather hectic period for me as I found out that I’d be travelling abroad quite a lot which required me to take care of my legal documentation and finalise my local projects. Yet, I managed to do a guest post (shopping list) for the lovely ?Fashion Worked? which you can check out here if you are in a mood for some fashion.
close to your parents?’. Well, the thing is that I?ve never even regarded mine
as such? I?ve always considered them as friends, who have never criticised my
decisions, nor have they judged my actions. When they found out that I was
about to spend most of my time abroad again (for those of you who don?t know, I
attended University in another country), my father suggested that we went on a
holiday together – the three of us + our teacup Yorkshire Terrier – Sparky. Though I?d
normally turn down a suggestion like this and instead spend my evenings socialising
and clubbing, I decided that it was time for me to make an exception and give ‘us’ a chance to bond as a family again (especially bearing in mind that this was the first holiday that we were about to spend not accompanied by some friends of ours). And then suddenly, the idea of spending some quality time with them became something I was really looking forward too.
ski-resort Bansko, which I associate with my childhood. I packed my
snowboard gear ready to hit the slopes with dad, certainly one of the best
skiers I’d ever meet.
You wonder how we spend our weekend? Well, we were enjoying scenic views and delicious food.
were flying downhill, gliding through the snowflakes that have formed perfect powder. We were taking photos, with dad constantly mocking my fruitless attempts
to perfect my jump (it turned out that he?d read my latest post and he wanted
to teach me how to effortlessly jump without any unnecessary posing?the final
result you can see below).
I also made sure to find a fresh virgin patch of snow to draw a little ‘something’ as a birthday gesture towards my boy. We
didn?t get the chance to spend his ‘day’ together and I was trying to come up with something that would at least make him smile, especially knowing that he never received the birthday card I’d sent him. (B,
please check your mail box, if you stumble across this post. P.S Happy Birthday again <3)
being a part of a family actually meant. Dad and I argued a lot while mom was
always the negotiator, doing her best to calm us down and make us enjoy our
evening conversations over a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Well, the thing is that
Dad and I are quite similar. Though quite positive and bubbly in public, when we
are together and by ourselves we let it loose, stripping away our
social masks ? becoming fairly quiet and short-tempered. It?s actually quite
odd when you get the chance to see yourself sitting just across the table. The
same temperament, the same gestures, the same shouting impatience? I find it
quite hard to stop judging him for his attitude when we’re together, somehow
disregarding the fact that I?ve acted identically towards my near and dear (including towards my boyfriend).
the holiday didn?t turn out the way I wanted. I desperately wanted to smile and
show my parents some gratitude, but I simply couldn?t succumb. It was like admitting
that my grumpy attitude wasn?t rational and I should have been brighter and
happier. Dad and I quietly waved ?Good-bye? in front of my parent’s house and I
started my car to head towards my flat. While driving, The Script’s song ‘For the First time‘ came on the radio and took me back in time, reminding me of the years I spent in Uni. I
remember how much I missed my parents and how much I wanted to spend some time with them. And now when we got a chance to do so, we somehow managed to
fail. My dad and I managed to turn the sunrays into little frozen snowflakes?
Yes, our sunny Thursday mood has turned into a Sunday rainy one.
don?t judge my dad for who he is, neither do I want him to change. I love him just
the way he is? but the thing is that he reminds me of everything I?d like to
change in myself. When I argue with him I know I argue with myself. When I
disagree with him, I know it?s just for the sake of the fight… as we both ‘Are always right’.
It?s difficult to ‘listen’ to yourself nagging across the table, while noticing all
your flaws and imperfections. And though twice as old as me, when he was looking in the rearview mirror, I’m pretty sure he also recognised himself in his seemingly indifferent daughter.
And my mother? I?m sure she is secretly convinced that she?ll find a way to
stop the never-ending ?argue-make up? process, my father and I have somehow created. Yes,
that?s her ? our loving and serene peace-maker.
cannot be about him and I anymore. And it shouldn?t be really. Though we tend to
regard ?our? selves as the centre of the Universe, well, we couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s time that we began looking around us to find the people we?ve hurt and continue hurting in
the process of being ?always right? and cross with those we love most.
filled with laughter and the occasional tear.
A weekend filled with sunrays and a lot of snowflakes.
A weekend that reminded me why I’ve always found it quite intimidating to spend ‘family time’… The time that reminds you who you are and who you could potentially be.
And yet, despite all our similarities and differences, mom, dad, you know I couldn?t love you more, right? Shall we throw some snow to celebrate the occasion?
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