A Day-To-Night Outfit and the 'Hug Me' Poncho Trend

A Letter to My Ambitious Self

A Letter to My Ambitious Self

Hey you,
Did you sleep well? Who am I fooling? Of course you didn?t. You were way too worried that I wouldn?t wake up on time to do all the things that we?d planned for the day.

For ?Sun?day. 
You were highly aware that I had to get up early and tick quite a few things off my list. The one you so desperately wanted me to cease drafting mentally and start writing down on paper.
Take photos.

Edit photos.

Reply to emails.

Do some work on the new projects we?ve embarked on.

Attend a work-related brunch. 
Go and meet-up with mom.
Find decorations for my upcoming posts.
Plan a few posts.
Clear out the closet and the mess I created before I headed out on Saturday.

And as much as you yearned to fall asleep, you knew there was only one right thing to do: Stay wide-awake ready to push the alert button to call to life my guilty consciousness at sunrise.
Well, darling, you woke me up quite early today, but not as early as you had planned. And, stop rolling your eyes, giving me this ?You shouldn?t have had so much Bloody Marys last night? look. They were quite tasty. Oh, and by the way, you should probably try them some time.
Though I highly doubt you ever would. I?ve never seen you have a drink. I?ve never seen you tipsy. That?s how you roll: with a 100% crystal clear mind. 
And I can only imagine how annoyed you get when I giggle for no particular reason at 2 AM, dancing under some up-beat tunes and embracing the moment. In. Its. Making. 

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Well, my dear friend, you?ve done hell of a lot for me.

You turned me into a straight A student. You gave me a hand when I applied for University abroad. 
You taught me that to be truly successful you have to skilfully juggle work, social life, and sport.
That you have to stay at the top of your game. 
No complaints. 
Staying focused and flashing a smile all throughout the way. 
We had a cheeky and ambitious plan ? to conquer this thing called ‘life’. 
But recently, I?ve noticed that you?ve changed. 
Your ways have become way too aggressive and your comments ? quite spiteful.
You don?t seem very supportive of me. Rather you’ve been continuously blaming me for not doing the best that I could to attain our goals. 
And you know, the horrible comments randomly voiced by you (and  your best friend Perfection) have triggered the occasional tear, induced me to think that I?m running behind my ‘life schedule’. 
For a few months now you?ve been bugging me late at night, constantly whispering in my ear. And how could I have possibly fallen asleep when you’d given me the task to constantly think about what I had to focus my mind on over the next couple of days. 
And just like that work has been slowly turning into a chore. And every time I’ve felt like celebrating what we’ve achieved you pinch me as a reminder that I?m still running late. And there’s no time to waste – I have to incessantly produce:  new articles, vlogs, while simultaneously working on my accent. 
But let me fill you in about a certain situation that took place earlier this week. It was a Friday and I had just stormed back home after a productive work meeting. Too busy to tick off my tasks, I’d completely forgotten to have a proper meal. And I had only 30 minutes to get ready and be on time for work. 
My eyes were burning, my belly rumbling – and all I could feel was painful exhaustion that was overwhelming my mind and body.
And you got scared didn?t you? You felt as if I was just about to give up on you. To quit. But then you remembered ? you became my best friend when I was very little. I wouldn?t dare ditch you, would I? 
?1 new notification?
I’d just received a letter: 
A long elaborate text.
The first time I went through it, it made absolutely no sense…
I couldn?t grasp what F. was on about ? talking about ?Ambition? and her power. Her ability to crush you and make you forget to live and be grateful for the breaths you take. About the power she had  to scrunch your spiritual side, leaving you emptier than you’ve ever before. 
Was he being mean? Was he jealous that her and I were that close? 
I remember lingering in silence with my hands anxiously shaking.
My mind needed a few minutes to comprehend what he was on about. Damn it! 
And then I visualised my grandmother’s expression when she saw me a few hours earlier and quite bitterly remarked ?You seem always in a rush? I hope everything?s okay. I hope you’re okay?.
And now, F. had felt the need to come up with an original way to make me listen! He sent me a letter… as if he was one of my readers. 
And, you, Ambition ? you got quite angry, didn?t you.
You?re an Egocentric. How could anyone dare talk about you. How could anyone regard you as the ultimate threat to my happiness? And, of course, we?ve been friends for so long. I shouldn?t have listened, right? 
You want me to do the things your way and end up attaining the goals you?ve set. Hitting one milestone after another. 
I didn?t receive a letter that day, Ambition. I received a wake up call. And if it were from anyone else, it wouldn’t have probably affected me at all. I would have simply hung up and kept on doing things our way.
But you know?
While desperately trying to be at my best, I got somewhat tired. Unfortunately, Ambition, I?m not perfect. And neither are you.
When I speak on camera I have an accent.
When I write a text ? I make mistakes.
When I come up with ideas ? they aren?t the best. But they are the best that I could possibly come up with. 
Sometimes I also fail. 
And it?s so easy for you to blame me on failing, on slacking and running behind.
But you know? My failures are what have pushed me to do the things I’m engaged with today. 
 And I’m in love with today and with all that I do. 
And Ambition. Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been upset? Have you ever lost a friend? Have you ever seen people cry? Have you ever felt pain? Have you ever seen the way a mother treats its newly born? The joy she illuminates. The tears sparkling in its fathers? eye?  Have you climbed a mountain to feed your hunger for beauty?
And yesterday I didn?t leave my flat. I cancelled all of our plans and chose to stay at home and relax. And I didn’t hear any of the thing that you tried to say. I was too busy smiling and making grander plans. I wasn?t focused on that very day. I was focused on my life instead.
?You know the phrase ?seize the moment?? I think they have it backwards. It?s really that the moment seizes us? a sentence that still echoes in my head. While you?ve been pushing me to seize ?the moment? ? be it to network, take photos for my blog, come up with original ways to please and impress everyone around ? I?ve somehow forgotten to allow myself to be ‘seized by the moment’ instead.
And that?s what life is about. 
When I was younger each and every day a new instance attracted my attention, made me truly smile. But in the course growing up, you’ve been teaching me to seek myself moments that are worth seizing, forcing me to forget the blissful feeling of letting myself be embraced by the moment itself. By the summer rain that drained down my face, by the sounds of the autumn storm, by the genuine laughter shared with a friend. By the tranquil feeling your get when your drawn into the world of a lovely book. 
Damn it, Ambition. You didn?t even allow me to complete my last few workouts ‘cos you kept on reminding me that I was running late. 
So sorry, Ambition.
I don?t want to make you angry but neither do I want to miss out on my life. So some changes will be taking place.
And rather than shouting at me ? please come and stand by my side. 
Let yourself be seized by the moment and enjoy the intimate moment of reading the letter I addressed to you. 
Lots of love,

1 kommentar

  • I really like your writing style, excellent information, thank you for posting :D. “He wrapped himself in quotations- as a beggar would enfold himself in the purple of Emperors.” by Rudyard Kipling.

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