Why Wasting Your Time Is Not a Legitimate Option

Since I was a very young girl, one of my all time favourite activities was to lie down on my bed, playing Coldplay and Travis loud and daydreaming. Daydreaming about the future imagining all that could be and all that I could accomplish. And the feeling of actually achieving everything I wanted was simply mind-blowing. I was all that I wanted to be – I was an actress, I was a singer, a successful lawyer and most importantly I was always happy, wearing the biggest smile on my face and rocking an amazing pair of Jimmy Choo. And I was always content with myself and all that I’ve ‘dreamingly’ achieved. The opportunities I had were limitless and I was taking the full advantage of that.

With time passing, the reveries changed. Life became too complicated and the moments left for serenely lying on the grass and counting the clouds became fewer and fewer. I was already in high school and University was just behind the corner. It was time for me to act  rather than dream. And just like that I found myself walking on a path that we all are somehow led to follow by society, without really consciously acknowledging where it would finally end. But sometimes plans do change,  you stumble upon ‘love’, you face its purity and virtue and just like that you decide to alter the route. And I did alter mind until ‘love? slapped me real hard, taking me back on the ‘right’ track and teaching me that while being blinded by its angelic luminance, I’d missed out on some pretty great life opportunities. Yes, this is how and when I learned that love can never fully satisfy one’s crave for success and completeness.

And there I was 22 years old, engaging in working as something I’d never imagined myself doing. You know one of these amazing jobs which makes people enthusiastically exclaim ‘Ah! So young and so successful!?’
Well, I was decisively moving forward on a winding road, which was about to take me to my ultimate professional success and, unfortunately, to my emotional fiasco. The inner dialogue I was constantly holding with myself was making me doubt the very purpose of life and all that I desired was to fly back in time and be that innocent girl again who was daydreaming and achieving all that she craved for.It was a sunny Saturday when it all changed. I woke up and went out for a walk around the city to finally sit on a broken bench in the park. The children’s laughter was filling up the air and I was breathing in and out the aroma of the early spring. My lungs were full of oxygen and my heart was beating fast. Suddenly I knew that all I wanted was to live. To breathe. To feel. To experience. To touch. To notice the small ants that were crawling around and encircling my trainers. To smell the love strangers illuminate. To not waste even a second longer doing things that make me unhappy and distressed. You know, Chrissy, this was the very moment when I realised that I was too scared, not to quit my job, but that one day I could end up asking myself in disbelief  just as  Dr. Seuss ‘How did it get so late so soon??’

Life is too short. And to be able to achieve grand things you’d better start now, cos, while lost money can be always earned back, time unfortunately cannot be ever brought back.

I had saved some money prior to quitting my job, but now I’m searching for a part-time job as a freelance writer which would be beneficial for my blog and my financial security. Rather than sitting 9 hours behind a desk (which, believe me, some people consider a bliss) I’m now thinking in terms of what I could do to make my lips curve in a smile. Become a freelance journalist, a photographer, register to attend baking classes, start moving towards your dreams and introduce some bold changes in your life. I’ve written before about the mind and the Universe (here) and to sum it up, Chrissy, the Universe ends where your mind does. If your mind is open enough to accept the limitlessness of what we regard as the Universe, then you can achieve all that you want.

And as I don’t want to be in any way hypocritical for the last month I’ve been quite terrified too. Though I’ve found my life calling and what makes my heart jump with joy, I’m again standing at a crossroad, uncertain where and when I’m going to settle down – in the country where I was born in bred, in the USA, or will instead return to England for good. And while typing down this text my smile is quite bitter, as unfortunately all new beginnings are hard. You end one thing to give a way to another better one to start. You kiss goodbye what makes you feel down in order to spread your arms and embrace the better that is yet to come. Yes, every new decision taken is indeed nerve-wrecking. But being almost 24 years old there is one single thing I truly aspire – in 40 years time to be able to look back and not regret any decision I’ve taken; to regret the mistakes I’ve made as thanks to them I’ve earned more than I’ve lost.

Today apart from ‘Letters to Antoinette’ I’m starting a vlog, preparing to do a master’s degree, striving to become a certified portrait photographer, and ultimately a life coach, who writes a weekly column in a magazine.  There are so many novel experiences that lie ahead of me. That lie ahead of you too! Be bold Chrissy and speak out your dreams. Share them with someone and turn them into reality. We are no longer little girls. We are old enough to actually make decisions and take chances. We are capable enough to craft our lives just the way we crave to.

‘I just want to start living my life instead of sitting through it, but it literally terrifies me’ you mentioned in your letter.But you know, lovely girl, erase ‘I want’ from your vocabulary, as the want will always remain precisely that a ‘desire’ and nothing more. Instead, try to use ‘I’m’.

Yes, you’re no longer terrified. Yes, you’re living your life to the fullest – starting from now.
Open up your senses and name all that you want to achieve. Come on, I’m counting. One aim, second, no, Chrissy, don’t hold back, I can feel that there is a thought, a goal that’s wondering around your mind and you’re too afraid that you won’t be able to achieve it. Name this aim out loud.

Confess your dream to yourself as that’s the first and foremost step towards ‘living your life’ to the fullest.

And as today was born an idol of mine ‘Audrey Hepburn’ and I’d like to remind you of one of her sayings, which with time has turned into my moving force’

Well, what are you waiting for?

Sending you all my love and wish you all the best in your pursuit of happiness and self-discovery.

xoxo

A.