Adjusting To My New Lifestyle

The One Thing I Wish I Could Change After Giving Birth

letters-to-a-familyI was terrified. I really was. Not because I doubted in any way Philip and I, but if there was one thing everyone was warning me about from the moment I got pregnant, was the negative effect a baby could have on a relationship between two people. Especially if those two people haven’t spent enough time together. It’s another question what is meant by ‘enough’, but still – we’d been together only three months before I was staring at the positive pregnancy test.

It’s been six weeks with a baby at home and let me tell you – we’ve had our ups and downs. The hormones made my sensitivity levels skyrocket high – a prerequisite for arguments and discussions. I mean, how could you answer the question ‘How has your day been’ when you’ve been trying to calm your newborn, feed her, give her enough attention and have literally spent less than 5 minutes by yourself (you know, while taking a pee). And of course, it’s never been his fault that I’ve had a hectic mommy day, but I just wouldn’t have enough energy to share hour by hour how my day has been. All I’d do is remain quiet, while munching on my dinner, while Philip’s holding Sofia-Malou and smiling big time because he’s finally spending some time with her.

If there were one thing I wish I could change was the amount of weekends per month. My life as a mommy would have been much more enjoyable if I had Philip by my side more often so that we could play the family game. I’d have been much more ‘present’ when spending time with Sofia-Malou, rather than feeling tired and spending my limited amount of energy in doing all those other chores at home. And I guess that’s what the problems is –  the incredibly dissimilar daily routines we have. When Philip wants me to retell him my day I feel there is nothing worthwhile sharing – because, come on, isn’t it obvious – she ate, refused to sleep, and just as I was ready to go and have a quick shower she began crying again. But no – it’s not obvious and rather than actually giving him a recap that could make him actually part of its all, I’d remain quiet and give him the word instead, because in my mind he had a lot more to share.

Big mistake.

6 weeks onwards I know I have to be honest and share exactly how I feel.  My moodiness and unwillingness to speak put a barrier between us – how could he know that I had a bad mommy day if I never talked about it? So no, I don’t have a magic wand and there is no way we could spend everyday at home together. The least I could do is talk, talk, talk and involve him as much as I could in what I’m going through when he’s at work.

Still, I cannot wait for the weekend 🙂

Is there anything you wish you could change after giving birth?
xoxo
A.

   

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