The Lesson Those 5 Months Taught Me
It’s been exactly 5 months since I became the mother of the most lovable little one – Sofia-Malou. It’s been a wild rollercoaster and it seems to me that I won’t be off it anytime soon. 5 months ago I was telling myself that the first 5 months would be the hardest and then all of a sudden my life would go back to normal. Meaning – I’d be able to leave the flat by myself with Sofia being looked after by Philip or someone else. I actually bought us tickets to the Weeknd’s concert (Monday 20th, February) because I assumed that by that point we’ll be able to leave her with her grandparents. Well, it’s not gonna happen. And while sometimes I think it’s because I struggle to let go and just let her drink milk from a bottle, in reality she just doesn’t get the bottle. Some babies are ‘no bottle’ babies and Sofia is one of them.
Being able to breastfeed is indeed my biggest accomplishment so far (yes, bigger than the labour itself)… and also my worst nightmare. Now that we’ve managed to get the nursing going, I get anxious from the thought of leaving Sofia without me and letting her ‘LEARN’ the bottle. It’s tricky, guys, I’m telling you. I’ve never imagined even in my wildest dreams that I’d end up in that vicious circle of trying to be an adequately good mom, being present online – keep up the vlogging, blogging, and trying to find a way to spend some ‘me’ time.
I haven’t been away from my girl since the day she came into my life and the connection we have is remarkable. Philip and I even caught her staring at me while I was on the phone talking in Bulgarian, while she all of a sudden started saying something like ‘MA-MA’.
Bottom line – I will skip the concert on Monday – I’m not ready to risk leaving Sofia in hysteria so that I can ‘teach’ her to be without me. It’s a process that we’ve begun and I realise it’s gonna take more time than I thought back in the day. But then who cares? My biggest success today is to make her laugh. Everything else comes second.
So newbie mommies, if there’s anything I’ve learned over the last 5 months is to not make plans and strive to achieve my mommy goals at the expense of my baby’s happiness. Motherhood happens while we’re speaking, every day is special and unique, so rather than making plans and ending up utterly disappointed that you haven’t completed them – well, just laugh it off and keep going. It’s the journey that counts – with all its ups and downs.