New Balance and New Chapters.
New Balance and New Chapters.
Yep, I got it! My first pair of New Balance with which I?m finally embracing the ultimate way of the Danes. And how could I not when I?m now officially a Danish citizen!!! Yeah, after 6 months of being basically a ?ghost? I?m finally holding in my hand my Danish documents.
And as much as I wanted to pretend that my lack of online activity recently was solely due to me spending quality time with my parents, I realised that it?d be rather unfair to opt for ?small talk? on a blog I created with the promise to share my story in the bluntest possible way.
Weirdly, that?s the first time I struggle to find the right words to express how I feel and retell all that?s taken place.
If you?ve read any of my previous Copenhagen-inspired posts, you?re probably aware that I moved to Denmark to live (for the first time) under one roof with a boy. Well, despite our very efforts to strengthen our relationship (something that we were miserably failing to achieve at distance) we gave up. Actually I did.
Every single day I was waking up feeling unbelievably lost and completely oblivious to why. I had already planned my perfect life and I thought that that there was literally nothing that could come my way and stop me get it.
And that?s where I was very VERY wrong. The plan might’ve been perfect, but the scenario required different actors. Neither me nor him fitted the characters I’ve painted in my head so we had to adjust accordingly. No wonder the big fat anxiety that ‘perfect plan’ caused with me trying (and of course expecting him) to live up to my great expectations that one day we will be those characters.
And just like that ‘finitto’ . I was done expecting. I was done pretending. And I was done putting my happiness at stake. It was time for me to prove myself that I have the balls to let the plan melt before my eyes. Remember my post ‘Patterns’ that appeared a few weeks ago? Without consciously acknowledging I had already made up my mind.
And there I was sipping wine and sharing with F. how I truly felt. It wasn’t easy. It’s never easy to be honest and face the consequences of your honesty. I knew that after a conversation like this we would be done for good, and I also knew that it was for the best. We were looking at different directions, we saw life in a different way, and yet we never really had the guts to admit that to each other. And how could we being thousand miles away from home, from our family and friends. We had only each other and we were counting on that. But staying together only because of pragmatism, of the fact that we needed someone to count on – well, that wasn’t a legitimate reason to live a life based on hopes of a brighter and happier future.
I was the only one responsible for my happiness so I followed my instinct that kept on nudging me to leave.
A few days after we ended it all I packed my suitcases and left. It still seems freakin’ surreal how much everything has changed for me for less than a month and typing those words is me coming in terms with my decision that almost noone knew about and most certainly noone saw coming. Actually, I’m pretty sure my friends are currently trying to get a hold of me all pissed off that they’re finding out about all that from the blog. But you know, there are times when you have to really restrain yourself from sharing, seeking advice and just follow your gut.
And you know? If there’s anything that I’m now convinced in – when you’re willing to risk it all so that you can feel happiness again, well, that’s when the Universe winks at you and make you a present.
But that’s another story, a story worth a separate post.
Stay tuned <3
Until next time,