#LifeAsACanvas: Getting Over A Break-Up
#LifeAsACanvas: Getting Over A Break-Up
Happy Friday lovely,
A few days ago I did a post on love and received quite a few requests to talk about one?s ability to get over a painful break up, move on, and change their life for the better. A lot has been already written regarding the subject and if you look up the Internet you?ll be overwhelmed by the tons of information that?s already available out there. (P.S. An article inspired by You)
Of course coping with a break-up is way too subjective emotional experience and you should bear in mind that while some suggestions might be helpful and appropriate for you, they might not be for others. But as I?ve mentioned before ? try and place each and every advice you receive in the context of your specific situation and alter it in the way in which you think it will work BEST FOR YOU and ONLY YOU. No one else has been in your relationship so no matter what people say, try and not take it way too strictly. Be creative for your own sake.
Actually a friend of mine recently found out that I was single again. She was stunned by my genuine smile and the fact that I had no issues talking about my ?solitary? future plans with a cheeky sparkle in my eyes. And just like that she couldn?t help herself from asking ?Okay, how come you look so, you know, happy?? I was just about to snap back?.but hold on for a second? she was right. It seemed quite odd that I was not staring at the past. I was drafting my plans with perceptible excitement and I was at peace with the fact that I was going to spend some time by myself. Now mulling over the peculiar behaviour I was supposedly displaying I realise that with time I?ve crafted my healing formula to moving on for good. As, you know, no matter whether you?re still in love with your ex or whether you know that he/she is everything but right for you, the very fact that you?ve developed some sort of a habit that’s now been broken means that you’ll have to find a way to deal with the initial shock.
And ultimately no matter what your particular situation is the naked truth is ? you have to do your best to adjust to it, accept it and then allow yourself to move on.
So first of all: be brave and embrace your feelings! I completely agree that when an ending comes the only thing you crave for is to take a pair of scissors and cut the ?silver thread? that has connected you to the other one. Unfortunately, relationships are transparent and the process of coming to terms with all that?s taken place is actually quite slow and in some occasions overly painful. So it?s time for you to take it all out of your system ? the love, disappointment, initial shock, anger and frustration. Repressing your feelings does no good. Every time I?ve done my best to hide them in no time they?ve boomeranged back to me when I?ve least expected.
So shout. Cry. Talk. Throw (and, please, don’t postpone getting rid of the material memories that you probably still keep in your flat). Allow yourself to start over.
And in the process of doing so ? cut off any contact with the person at stake. Believe me ? the last thing you need is long conversations in which you dissect the situation aiming to unveil the true the reasons behind all that?s happened. There is a great photo S. sent me a few months ago: Rings a bell?
couples do manage to reconcile and get back together. But in
reality not many relationships of this sort have actually lasted. And even if
this does eventually happen (you know, getting back together) the last thing you want to
do is put your life on hold while waiting for the other one to storm back into you
life. So though it sounds easier said than done ? cutting off any contact is the best you can do at least at the beginning. And this means that it?s time for you to
cease desperately calling and begging them to work it all out.
family & friends.
don?t want to hear how much you ?need? stay at home all by yourself, going
through your old photos and listening to songs that inflict whimsical memories
and shivers of nostalgia. And, frankly, if one of you was bold
enough to end it all, apparently there was also a rich bouquet of unpleasant
moments that had led to that all. And the thing is ? the past is there to stay.
Unfortunately (though today I believe that’s actually quite fortunate) it?s entirely out of your control to
go back and fix it. Snapping fingers won?t transport you back in time to alter the course of the events. And even when you’re certain that it’s all your fault: today is the day when you?ll
stop blaming yourself.
self-loathing won?t help you recover. The thing is even if you?ve actually
done something that you now regret, remind yourself that if he/she was ?Your One?? you would have never feel tempted
to act in the way that you had. As cognisant creatures we do make mistakes? but
it is these mistake and colourful experiences that help us grow as human beings.
And peculiarly, look at it this way ? even the worst missteps happen for a reason; to help you see that there are better roads ahead. Yes, life has its ways to
nudge you in the right direction; the one
that will eventually take you precisely where you have to get.
anyone?s love or attention? you will never feel truly happy knowing that
someone is with only on paper and you just out of pity. And beware that sometimes it?s not the heart that need to be
healed but rather the EGO. The very feeling of being ?betrayed? in many
occasions concerns your ego?s well-being and nothing else. It?s difficult to
accept that someone has turned their back and walked away? And NO, darling, that doesn?t
mean that you are ?worthless? as while for someone you
might have been just another one, for someone else you can end up being purely
?the ONLY ONE?.
And now looking back and analysing the way my life has unfolded I notice a peculiar pattern. And if you also give it a quick thought you?ll realise that each and every occurrence that has taken place in the past was the reason for another one to follow soon after… Until one day you end up being at the right place, right time, ready to meet and appreciate the right one. And when you start regarding each and every relationship as just another life lesson, well, you?re life will change for the better.
So, rather than staying at home and crying your heart out go out there and do something for yourself. Something that you love and that will elicit your most genuine smile.
So stop pondering whether he/she has truly loved you. Of course they have ? just not in the way that you sought.
Love you life.
Ask yourself ?Will this matter ten years from now??
And remember ? no matter how much it hurts no feeling is ever final.
And you know, while you?re too busy enjoying your life you might stumble upon a stranger who’ll politely ask you for your name. And who knows? Maybe this will be the very moment when the Universe has finally answered your most intimate request.