#LifeAsACanvas: Do You Need A Break From Love?

Hey there sweethearts! Today’s post is a reply to V., a lovely reader of mine, who sent me a letter a few days ago.

Hello Antoinette,

I’ll get straight to the point. The thing is I’m currently going through something that I’d never thought I’d ever experience?

And the fact is – I want your insight, advice or just some guidance. Maybe I’m being overly dramatic, but that’s just how I feel. To be honest, it might as well be a tale as old as time. A boy and a girl decide to ‘go on a break’ a month prior to their two-year anniversary. He needs time to think, she doesn’t quite believe in ‘taking a break’, and thinks that this is the coward way of saying that ‘it’s over’.
It’s been 10 days. Ten long days. She noticed that it’s easier to put on the ‘I’m handling it so well – so not over-thinking it – living the dream’ mask in front of the others. Home is where all ‘the magic happened’, where the two of you used to be, and now it’s just you…with mascara streaking down your cheeks.
What’s your stand on ‘taking a break’? Does that even exist? Does it ever lead to a better relationship? Or has the time come for the splits?
Thank you so much for reading this and I’d be grateful if you’re willing to share your thoughts on my story.
V.

V., when I read your e-mail it took me quite some time to get my head around your question. Probably because I immediately felt the urge to reassure you and tell you that everything’s gonna be fine. That ‘your [his and yours] happily ever after’ was just behind the corner? However, employing clichés rather than telling you what I truly think can do nothing but obstruct you from coming into terms with reality.

First, let me remind you of the question with the dubious answer?
What does ‘taking a break’ really mean?
Does it imply that you’re tired of something, of your ‘other half’ to be more precise?
Does it mean that you crave adventure and excitement with someone ‘NEW’?
Does it suggest your need to spend some time by yourself reevaluating your relationship [+life] and the direction towards which it’s headed?
Mull over that for a while?

And really – ‘Is ‘taking a break’ the coward way of saying that it’s over?? Well…

Lovely V. despite the number of unsuccessful relationships I’ve been in, and break-ups I’ve been through, there is one single thing I couldn’t be more grateful for. THE GUTS all my ex-es had. Each and every one of them ended it all creating the impression that they had absolutely no problems [and regrets] in doing so. I was never left hanging, you know, wondering whether there was a chance for us to get back together. It was always ‘their FINAL’ decision and the ending credits almost way too quickly rolled before my eyes.

I had to leave my EGO at the door having been fully aware that I had no choice but to MOVE on. It was pointless to stay all by myself in my flat waiting for a ‘never-coming’ call – so instead I chose to focus on MYSELF seeking ways to make the ‘I’ happy again.

Break-ups are damn painful. But at least once it’s over ‘it’s over. It’s like chopping off your hand with a chainsaw. It hurts like hell but at least you’re aware that it’s ‘the end’. Taking a break, however, is an entirely different thing. The agony derives from not knowing what’s going on, from being oblivious of how you’re supposed to behave and communicate. It’s like allowing the other one to be cutting off your skin slowly with a knife, causing you excruciating pain. You’ll be waking up every single morning in the hope of receiving a call. THE CALL, indicating that your relationship’s finally been unpaused. Then the hope will slowly turn into fear. fear that you’ll be getting nothing more than shouting silence.

And just like that in the process of waiting for the phone call or grand gesture that will mark the renewal of your relationship, you’ll be missing out on life.

ON YOUR LIFE.

And that’s what you should avoid.
I know you’re still in love (and that your EGO is in pain), but remember – YOU is more important than anything and anyone else.

Are you getting back together (okay, un-pausing the relationship)? Well, that’s a possible outcome.
However, that’s a choice both of you should make. It’s a conversation both of you should have.

And probably he’s just gotten a little bit scared conscious that your two-year anniversary’s just behind the corner. Everyone gets scared once in a while. However, when loving and caring about a certain one ‘taking a break from love’ should not be a legitimate option ? having a conversation, sharing your feelings and clearing up the air is. If he needs time to think – be it – but why label it ‘a break’ from you [as a couple]? Cannot he just go somewhere with his friends and use the time away to clear up his head?

And V., when your spring break starts are you aware of its end date? I’m also quite certain that when you’re sipping cocktails on the beach you always find some time to drop your closest ones a text?
#NuffSaid
But as I really don?t want to make the whole article about you as a couple and about him as your boyfriend [breakfriend]? Let me ask you something – what have you been doing since the start of your break?

Dating?

Having fun?
Reading a book?
Crying?
Blaming yourself?

Enjoying life?

But how could you have possible had fun when you have absolutely no idea where you currently stand? Can you kiss and see exclusively him? Can you kiss and date others and if so is your ‘break? a fleeting thing or a just the modern way of announcing the old-fashioned end?

Rather than beating yourself up over the situation and pressing the pause button of your life, isn’t it time that you gave yourself the objective answer to the ‘What do I want from life’ question?

And you know, V, I do believe that each and every person needs time to satisfy the I, to take it out of the context of the US and find a bunch of more exciting reasons to smile.

Remind yourself of your dreams!

Visualise how you achieve them!

You don’t need a shooting star to ….

And you certainly don’t need anyone but yourself to make this wish come true.

Smile.

You’re strong enough to ‘THINK BIG?.
To stop waiting for anyone to remember how much they love you when you’re not around.
Be in the ‘making’ of unforgettable memories! NOW!
Start breathing!
Cease waiting for anyone to tell you how your life should unfold!
And, V. remember, your worth as a human being is not defined by anyone else’s assessments of whether you’re the best they could possibly get.

It’s time that you woke up and remembered who YOU were prior to entering this relationship almost two years back. And once you find the strength to do this, I think a few answers, regarding the merit of your ‘relationship’, will soon after follow.

And yes, the happily ever after is just behind the corner, however, this time it depends entirely on YOU!

And ultimately – does this weird thing ‘taking a break’ really exists?

Well, bluntly put, would anyone ever need a break from love?

Be happy V. and if you have time go check out another article of mine which will gives the answer to the question ‘Is it worth fighting for the ‘US’?’

Sending you all my love,