‘It’s all about the Average Wednesday’

Last year I did share my view on St.Valentine?s Day in my ?The Code to Love? post, which raised quite a lot of controversy among the people I know. I suppose it could have been read as a quite cynical piece, with me defying the whole ?I love you ? here you go a candy heart? thing.But in reality, by claiming that love isn?t painted solely in ?red?, I never aimed to turn my back on it. Not love was what I was rejecting, but rather our narrow perception of it. I felt the urge to incite a shift of attention ? from seeking commercial love to craving distinctive one. The one that?s painted in various colours whose unique blend illuminates the magic you two might have. However, today we?re not talking St.Valentine?s and all the reasons why I feel no need to celebrate it.Today, we’re taking the One.

Last week, A. came over to visit me. We hadn?t seen each other for more than three years and I literally couldn?t wait to finally have a proper chat with her. I?d missed us having a cup of tea in the dorms, mulling over love & life. It was a Sunday morning after having spent a wild weekend out clubbing. We?d just woken up when I asked her whether she was getting a present for her boyfriend for St. Valentine?s.

She didn?t even bother answer. And then the sigh?

?You know A. it?s all about the Average Wednesday, not the perfect St. Valentine?s Day?, she uttered.

Are you also staring at the screen in confusion?

Let me explain. Next time you wonder whether your partner is ?the One? you might want to remind yourself of A.?s words. Why? Well, we?ve all been brought up with the idea that we have to aspire to ?the One?. Relatives, popular culture, classic literature ? all narrating the same: ?The One? is out there waiting for you. So keep actively searching. Never give up. And in the worst-case scenario ? Spend years passively waiting.

Not gonna lie. I?ve been also looking for ?The One? for quite some time ? the person who will make me smile and grant me with this sense of blissful completeness. The One who will help me figure it all out. And by that I mean ?life?. I?ve been hoping to stumble upon the One that will comfort me when I feel anxious and upset, the One that will listen to my rambles and actually understand.

But in the course of doing so ? I?ve been also staring down at my list of qualities that He should possess. I?ve previously spoken about my EGO (here) and all the harm it?s done so far, and honestly, you can only vaguely imagine what the length of my list was. Seriously, if Prince Charming came into existence, he would also be quite far from answering my expectations. My perfectionism had certainly stained the way I conceived of love, making me firmly believe that anything, sorry, anyone less than ?perfect? was not worth fighting for.

With me doing my best to silence my EGO, I?ve been slowly coming into terms with reality. And the reality is that by waiting for the ONE you might actually end up pushing away people who are more than capable of giving you the love that you?re looking for. By seeking that particular ?One? you actually turn down the possibility of actually being with a ‘great One’ 

In the course of your life you might (and actually you probably will) meet more than one person you’d end up naming ?The One?. Just think about it. Have you ever been in love more than once? Yes? Then you?re yet another proof that in the different stages of life, different people will be able to
satisfy the craves of your Soul. However, being the ?egocentric? creatures that we are, we keep convincing ourselves that we can always do better, that this One is not the ?right-est? and the ?best-est? of Ones. Instead we prefer to let them go and spend a bit more time looking for the Special One who will magically turn your life around.

Similarly to the way St. Valentine?s is far from representative of what love is all about, the idea of the ?One? has also confused us profoundly throughout time.

Next time you start a new relationship, next time you ponder on whether they are what you’ve always looked for, why not strip them away from their social identities. That?s right. Imagine they don?t have any sense of style. In fact, imagine them naked. Imagine they haven?t gone to that particular University. Imagine they have no money. Try to visualise their Soul. Would it be able to touch yours on an Average Wednesday evening? Mid-week when you have no particular plans. When you don?t get to exchange heart-shaped presents? When all that you?ll do is spend your evening next to each other in silence, reading a book? How would that make you feel? How would they make you feel?

Life?s way too short to spend it waiting and hoping that someone would turn it all around. You’re perfectly capable of doing that yourself and in the course of doing so you might also enjoy someone’s company.  Rather than feeling down and miserable from the thought that you haven’t yet met your ‘ONE’, why not give him/her a chance? And I reckon you know whom I’m referring to ;).
Throw your list of qualities in the trash and let yourself be guided by your  Soul guide. And I’m not saying that you two will spend the rest of your lives together, all I’m saying is that quite often we end up rebelling against our feelings, giving our EGO the freedom to pick the partner for us. Well, yeah, but not only your EGO will be in the room when it all comes down to your Average Wednesday, right?

When A. came she was a breath of fresh air, reminding me that love is nothing to be seen or touched. That love might, and most certainly will come, multiple times in the course of your lifetime. That St. Valentine’s day is yet another reminder that our society keeps doing its best to put love in words and use objects to celebrate it.

And while mulling over the ‘Average Wednesday’, I suddenly come to the striking realisation that the people I’ve truly loved (and I’m not even talking romantic love here) are the ones who’ve managed to take my mind off death. My GREATEST fear of all. Every time the thought of losing someone I love crosses my mind, I feel sick  to my stomach.

And that’s the thing. Life does have an expiration date. And it is indeed way too short to spend it ticking qualities off a list to evaluate whether someone?s the ONE.
Isn’t it time that we gave each other the chance to grow out of seeking ‘perfect‘ when perfect simply doesn’t exist and actually appreciate what we have now? 

And suddenly the thought of being with someone who can make me forget about my deepest fear, someone who’s both a lover and a friend on an ‘Average Wednesday’ makes me feel more than alive.
And you?
What’s your thoughts on the One? 
A.

P.S. The Winne of LTA’s latest giveaway is Emsy Pickles! 🙂 Congratulations hun!