A Reply to Yazzy’s Letter: Yes, I’m Ready to Start Over

Hey you lovely, a few days ago I received a letter from the lovely Yazmin from Yazzy’s Corner. A letter that made me stop and think about my future and be honest mainly in front of myself for what I crave to follow.

Hi A.,

I hope you’re well.
As you know I’ve been following your blog since that night I discovered it. I fell in love with your style of writing instantly and I sent you a tweet telling you that if you were to write a book I’d be the first to buy it! I think its amazing how much your blog has grown since you’ve started it, especially your number of followers. It seems I’m not the only one who would buy your book 😀
I just wanted to ask – what’s next for you? What do you want to achieve in your personal life and what do you dream of achieving in your career? Is your blog your future? I think it would be great if your blog does lead to a full-time career because all your posts are so inspirational. Each one of your posts give your readers that push to stop thinking and just get out there and do it! Something I admire you for is the fact you got rid of your job and started to live your life and make the most of it.
I want my blog to be my future too. I’ve got a long way to go though. But something I would love to do is work for myself. Make my own rules. Most importantly I want to stop the years just passing by without having special memories to look back on.
I just want to wish you best of luck with everything. You’re truly inspirational. I’m glad I found you xxx
Yazmin Qureshi
Yazzy’s Corner

Hey lovely Yazmin!

Yesterday I was just finishing off the letter that that was aimed for you. I was actually just about to post it on ?LTA? when I heard the first loud thunder. ?Ah, a summer thunderstorm? I thought to myself. I approached the window and all I could see was nothing but darkness. However, I could clearly hear the daunting wind and feel the trembling concrete just beneath my feet. For a second I felt quite lonely standing right there by myself, observing the nothingness and anxiously waiting what was just about to take place. And then I discerned the first ball. Yes, a white round ball falling from above and targeting the ground. Bombarding the cars. The trees. Us.

A shower of ice was pouring from the sky and for a fleeting moment I felt as if it was winter again ? with the only difference that the hardened puffed-up snowflakes were actually piercing the roof of my terrace. I took out my phone and tried to dial a number.

?No Service?
The hailstorm was intensifying and all I could do, all WE could do, was patiently wait. And just like that 15 minutes later the sun came out again ? with hundreds of cars damaged, windows broken, victims found, people shocked.
I went back to my chair and took a deep breath. I was just reminded of the human feebleness in the face of nature. I was reading through the letter I?d previously written as a response to yours and I was deeply dissatisfied by the emptiness of my words. By the incompleteness of my sentences.
Nature.. so whimsical and magnificent, isn?t it? What we, the humans, have absolutely no control over. However, life, your life ? that?s what you can control, what you can change, what you can shape in the very way in which you?d like to.
In the very way that it would appeal to you and only you.
Yes, when performing the act of living, it?s in your hands to decide whether you’ll allow the hail to smash your windows.
It’s entirely up to me to decide whether I’ll allow myself to get scared by the storm, by the wind, by the loud and sometimes terrifying nature noises.

But you know, Yazzy? Recently, I haven?t really had the chance to sit down and think about any of that; to mull over one?s ability to change the course of the events, to shape his life similarly to the way we shaped the colourful plasticine when we were still innocent kids. And while sharing my life experiences and mistakes, I?ve somehow negligently missed out to mention something quite essential. I?ve forgotten to remark that for quite some time I?ve left my life in the hands of destiny. Yes, I?ve been comfortably seated, passively anticipating the best that?s yet to come. Well, the consequences of my passivity came quite abruptly and shook me to the core.
While going through your letter once again I smiled and let my eyelids shut. It was time for me to remind myself of what my life path is.
And, yes, Yazzy, you?re right – I did quit my job and start LTA ? probably the best impulsive decision I?ve ever made. And suddenly I became lazy. I ceased daydreaming. I stopped anticipating and visualising my future. Until today. Until right after the storm when I put your letter into a more meaningful context.

What?s next for me?
Changing the country in which I live for good and starting over – by the way one of my all time favourite phrases. There were actually a few times in my life when I’ve felt like that ? and today, yet again, I’m buzzing to make a fresh start.
Change my flat. Decorate it my way.
Find a cozy little coffee shop nearby in which I could spend countless of hours working on the chapters of my book.
Walk around and meet new people. Talk with them. Learn from them.
Understand what this thing called ?love? is actually all about. Is it what I already thing it is? Is it more superficial, deeper, or purely overrated?
I crave to unveil why we never manage to learn from the mistakes of others and instead we let ourselves replicate them before we actually (if ever) learn how to ‘avoid’ them.
Yes, we, the human are quite weird and interesting creatures ? aren’t we?

And then, I?d like to buy a ticket and go to an exotic destination.

No not to lay on the beach and sip cocktails. I wanna go and meet the Tibetan Monks. I wanna go somewhere and take a break from the city sounds and dig deeper into myself.
And I want to walk. Walk. Walk. And Explore. Until I actually come to know (and love) myself. Until I find out what I truly crave for. Me. Not society.

And in-between I wanna be able to share all of my experiences with you through ?LTA?, simultaneously becoming more blunt, honest, covering all the taboo topics which for one reason or another I couldn?t up until now. Yes, talk about the most intimate moments in people’s relationships, about their sensual parts, about the harmful ones. About the break-ups, about the trust, cheating, sex, death, money, religion, one?s sexuality.Cover. It. All.

And you know, while doing all of this I wanna be able to also breathe & my lungs with freedom.
Life is too short. Too beautiful. And too exciting ? if you have the guts to live it the way you really FEEL you should.
Yes, it?s entirely up to you to choose whether to pursue your dreams or linger in front of the calendar reminding yourself how quickly time goes by.
Yes, I’m ready to ride it. And you, Yazzy, are you?
Love,
A.